Faith, Hope, and Sorrow

Last night I started my period and didn't cry. I have cried the last 19 months. Weird. I think it it because I recently read this book called The Message. It is a true story of a man who had chrones disease and got in a motorcycle accident. He is LDs and had 5 children. He was in a coma for many weeks. He talks about his experiences going in and out of this world to the spirit world. My dad gave it to me. It really made me think about things differently. Life seems to be so monthly when you are trying to have a baby, ya know? I know this trial will not last forever. I loved the talk on hope from the last months Ensign. It says that our promised blessing will not happen IN eternity but FOR eternity! This too shall pass... I finally gave in today and made another appointment with my doctor to get more testing done. I have been thinking each month that this will the THE month and just procrastinate going. I just HATE that it is so expensive and our insurance covers so little of it b...

I haven't had any rude or hurtful comments this week, just a few that made me say, "huh?" The first was from one of my sweet act. day girls. She watches me for a minute, then leans over and says "Do you have a sunburn?" I was puzzled, so she expounded that I was walking really slow. The next was a mom who had asked me to watch her kid, but I declined, telling her I had laparoscopic surgery the previous day for endometriosis. She says, oh, are you expecting? Apparently in her 5 pregnancies, she has never heard of the disease or the procedure. The last one was a friend, one of the few people locally that was fully filled in pre-surgery. I had told her what the procedure was, what the dr. would be looking for, that type of thing. So 2 days later she brings dinner over for my family. Then she invited us to go swimming with them the following day (this would be 3 days post-op). I looked at her, puzzled, and said I wasn't allowed to even take a bath for...

Does anyone else have problems reading the text since the blog layout has been redone? I'm not sure why I'm having issues, but I am, regardless of what computer I am on. I usually have to look up the posts by clicking edit, which means I can't post comments. Just wondered if anyone else was having issues...

I posted a few weeks ago about being dx w/ endo and that I was thinking about doing the surgery. Here's the update I sent my family a few hours after I got home yesterday: I went into the surgery center at this morning at 7. I was a little overwhelmed cause they give you such horrid release forms to sign, but they started an IV a little after that w/ fluids and something to make me less of a head case. The anesthesiologist said I was about his 38,000th (yes, that many zeroes!) patient. They assured me several times they give the minimum dosage possible and then fine tune to make sure it works. I woke up around 9:45 with a dry, scratchy throat and feeling like I did too many crunches-like that would ever happen! After I was "out", they put in a breathing tube down my throat. I hate things in my throat and around my neck, so I was glad I was unaware of that part. The doctor said I had moderate endometriosis, which is stage 3 out 4. When I went in for my annual exam last mo...

I have set out to find ladies who are having fertility problems around my location in hopes of starting some sort of support group/gathering for us. I KNOW there has got to be others on this military base facing hard times and I want them to know there not alone either so i have decided to ask what you ladies are involved in and how you got involved in. What other means of support do you ladies have? Do you have a support group? A group of friends? How did you get involved with it? Whats the best way to locate other ladies?

This weekend I came to AZ to watch my sister have her first baby! What a miracle! It's weird how much I have forgotten about having a new born...been almost 3 years now. Just straight from heaven! I always feel happy when people get pregnant or have a baby. I wish it didn't remind me how much I want that!! Happy for them, sad for me. It seems like my family is trying to be sensitive....like overly sensitive about the fertility thing when I would actually rather talk about it and be open about what is going on but I like them to ask and not just dance around it. I'm so complicated:) I'm afraid this blog has become my way to vent, sorry but you might hear from me lots.... I thought watching my sister be in labor for 24 hours would help me not be so baby hungry but it was weird during her labor I wanted to feel all of it and go through that because I know every push, pain, is worth it cause look whatcha get... Your own piece of Heaven:) {my nephew Legend}

How applicable!

I grew up in Michigan, went on a mission to NYC and now live in Utah. I never realized how different Utah is.... I really love living here and have friends that are members FINALLY but there are somethings I could do without.... There is such a feeling of competition here. I thought the dumb competitiveness would go anyway after the dating scene was over but it has only gotten worse:) I always get the..."is he you only one?" "When are you going to have more kids" or the very obvious..."wow he is sooooooo big, how old is he?" I feel like everyone is speculating in their mind why we only have one. They probably are not but i just feel that way, like they are judging me. I was talking to a friend this week and told her that we are starting clomid next month. she went on to tell about a friend who tried for 7 years and suggested I waited longer and be more patient and that it would happen. Almost implying that by taking it I have little faith. Bleh. I love the...

Firstly, let me just say, this is my second experience with acupuncture. I tried it a few cycles ago (experience with that can be found in an earlier post). I have now had acupuncture twice this cycle, and my cycle is so normal it's almost scary. I NEVER ovulate on day 14... NEVER. I've actually never ovulated before day 20. Well. I did this time. Unless my high temp today was a fluke, which I am praying for. But all the signs are right. The most frustrating thing about me ovulating is that Michael is on Long Island at a conference. We had it all planned that we would give it a go once before he left yesterday, but due to a horrible set of circumstances which left us getting to the airport at 5:25pm for a 5:55 flight, it just never happened. We spent money on acupuncture, and it actually worked, and we missed our chance! When I took my temp this morning, I cried. UGGH! I haven't had such a perfect set up in all my time charting, and we missed it. Oddly enough, one part of t...

I gave us a new look, hope that ok. Thought we needed a little livening up:) Hope you like it! kathy

I have been reading this blog for quite sometime but hiding and I have never introduced myself. I always just thought I will be pregnant next month and then will be done with this infertility thing but 21 months later and still working on it so it is about time to introduce myself......Hi, I'm Kathy Twitchell, I live in Cedar City Utah. My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years. We thought when we first got married that we would wait a year so I would be done with school and then have a baby. Four months later we found out that we were 3 months pregnant! I was taking the pill everyday and never missed but at the same time I really wanted to have a baby. I had served a mission and gotten married a little later and was ready to start a family so while taking the pill I was praying at the same time that somehow I would get pregnant. My husband is a couple years younger than I am and was not as anxious as I was but once he got here he was in love. Our pill baby....our miracle ...

I was wondering if I could get some feedback on my 1st charted cycle. I found a nifty website called Fertilityfriend.com where you enter your data and it makes your graph for you. I think it does a great job covering all the bases of info. I have a paper chart too but I figured this would be good just in case something happened to the paper charts. You may have to click the image to make it bigger to see better. I used printscreen so you can see some of my browser. My cycle actually stops on the 25th of May but i was on a suprise vacation and didnt chart from the 19th on. I dont have a tempt spike and where the OPK says i should have ovulated. I checked out TCOYF to review it while I was charting and found nothing like this in there...Anything thoughts/comments would be MUCH apperciated.