Faith, Hope, and Sorrow

I come from a non-LDS family of 3 children, my husband is descended from a long line of distinguished LDS pioneers and is one of 8 children. We have one son, Richard O., who is 2 years old and who has Type 1 diabetes. Richard O. came along after we had been married 5 years. At that point people (mostly church members) had started to ask questions about our desires to have children. What they didn't know is that I have struggled mightily with my health since my college days: I have battled multiple issues with autoimmunity, depression, being underweight, and extreme stress. I was surprised when we didn't get pregnant right away after we started trying in earnest 2 years into our marriage, but at that point I couldn't face the word "infertility," so I just tried to relax about it, kept working at my job, and waited. Finally, 6 months before our 5th anniversary, I decided to chart my basal body temperature with a special thermometer. It was clear that my cycle was a

I married my sweet husband, Tyler, in January 2001. Our daughter, Anna, was born on December 31st, 2001. We tried for 3 months and became pregnant. No problem. We declared that we must be a fertile couple! A year after Anna was born, we began trying for baby #2. I've always wanted to have a child every 2 years. I am quite overweight and my plan was to have our children quickly. I come from a big family, as does my husband. I want 6 kids and Tyler wants 10 kids. I knew that our family wasn't complete yet and we figured it wouldn't be too difficult to have more kids. Not so. We ttc (tried to conceive) for a year with no success. I was diagnosed with PCOS and began using clomid. No success. For 3 years all I thought about was becoming pregnant. Every month I would hold my breath in anticipation to see whether or not THIS was the month we'd been waiting for. Nothing. My husband joined the Air Force and we moved to our first assignment. This location had an infertility spec

I've had a pretty mixed bag as far as fertility goes. I got pregnant a month or two after we started trying. But 13 weeks later, I had a miscarriage 4 days before our 1 yr anniversary. I was incredibly devastated. I hadn't even considered the possibility. Plus, I was in France, so my support system was no where close to me. It ended up being a good thing though. It is what really solidified my marriage. Our first year was pretty tough, but going through this together really taught us to rely on each other first. While I hope to never have to experience another heartache like that again, I'm grateful for what it did for our relationship. It was 6 long months before I was able to get pregnant again. I was wondering if I could even get pregnant again. It was made harder by all of the pregnant people around me. At church activities, all that was ever talked about was pregnancy or babies. I left in tears after almost every meeting. I remember one time, I had tried to change the

Well, I guess I should be the first to go ahead and introduce myself. I am slowly starting to add authors, so please, feel free to post, vent, share info, etc. as often as you want/need. Eventually I would like to make this blog private, but since it's still in the beginning stages, it'll be public for a while. I'm Jen, and I live in beautiful Ithaca, NY with my husband and 2 year old daughter. When things weren't going quite the way we planned, as far as having more kids goes, I started school again. Not only did I feel like it was something I needed to do (pregnancy or not) but I needed something intense to help me through a semester of tests, fading dreams and depression. I must say, going back to school was not what I pictured for me, but I'm glad Heavenly Father pushed me a year ago to fill out an application for the local community college. I would have never guessed I would be in my current situation. It just goes to show that He has a plan and can see the en

Let me add, I am not blog savy... I'm still trying to figure this thing out. So if you would like to become a contributor, please leave a comment with your e-mail and I'll add you. Or e-mail me at Eternityepi3 at g mail.

There are many blogs and support groups for people facing fertility issues. But where does the woman who already has kids fall? How many times has that woman heard "Well, at least you have your ___ kid(s)"? How many times have we received looks from others at church when they learn we only have one child and he/she is over 2? Or heard comments about how women with lots of children have tremendous faith? Where it is true I thank my Heavenly Father EVERY day for my beautiful daughter and I am SOO grateful for her, it does not erase the pain of thinking I may not be able to have my dream of 6 kids. I have two half siblings, and the youngest of the two is 21 years older than I am. I lived like an only child. I did not have anyone to play with, to confide in, to experience my youth with. It was lonely. I saw all my friends with their siblings and close family and used to cry to my mom, asking her to have another child (she was 42 when she had me!). My children would experience tha