Welcome!
There are many blogs and support groups for people facing fertility issues. But where does the woman who already has kids fall? How many times has that woman heard "Well, at least you have your ___ kid(s)"? How many times have we received looks from others at church when they learn we only have one child and he/she is over 2? Or heard comments about how women with lots of children have tremendous faith?
Where it is true I thank my Heavenly Father EVERY day for my beautiful daughter and I am SOO grateful for her, it does not erase the pain of thinking I may not be able to have my dream of 6 kids. I have two half siblings, and the youngest of the two is 21 years older than I am. I lived like an only child. I did not have anyone to play with, to confide in, to experience my youth with. It was lonely. I saw all my friends with their siblings and close family and used to cry to my mom, asking her to have another child (she was 42 when she had me!). My children would experience that joy and closeness that comes from having siblings. Or so I thought. Now, here I am, facing the situation I was determined to avoid. I have an only child. I believe there are special challenges that face LDS women when they have problems with subsequent pregnancies. We know the importance of family. We know the joys of motherhood and how important it is to provide bodies for our Heavenly Father's spirit children. Other members of the church seem to equate faithfulness to the number of kids you have. Thankfully, the church teaches hope, the importance of not judging and that, when it comes to the number of children your family has, it is up to you, your husband, and the Lord. However, even with this comforting doctrine I have sat through R.S. lessons where women with lots of kids were equated as having an extraordinary amount of faith. While this is true, it does take faith to have a large family these days, it does not mean that those with one child or no children do not have faith. We cannot simply judge faith by the number of seats filled in our vehicle each Sunday! I have felt singled out as I attend church events or meet people for the first time and get the inevitable question of "Is she your only one?" followed by a quick follow up "How old IS she?" Many people are well intentioned and I am sure are not asking such a question for the reason I think they are asking. Nevertheless, my current situation makes overreacting an easy thing to do.
I know I am not alone and there are many out there facing similar situations. I know what I described above is personal and does not describe everyone's situation. Quite frankly, it does not matter if you have one, 3, or 10 kids. If you want and cannot have more, it's a loss acutely felt!
So welcome to the site. I hope that we can gain support and strength from each other as we share our experiences. Feel free to post a bit about yourself and if you have started any treatment or what your current plan of action is. Check back for weekly questions and feel free to post as often as you need!
Where it is true I thank my Heavenly Father EVERY day for my beautiful daughter and I am SOO grateful for her, it does not erase the pain of thinking I may not be able to have my dream of 6 kids. I have two half siblings, and the youngest of the two is 21 years older than I am. I lived like an only child. I did not have anyone to play with, to confide in, to experience my youth with. It was lonely. I saw all my friends with their siblings and close family and used to cry to my mom, asking her to have another child (she was 42 when she had me!). My children would experience that joy and closeness that comes from having siblings. Or so I thought. Now, here I am, facing the situation I was determined to avoid. I have an only child. I believe there are special challenges that face LDS women when they have problems with subsequent pregnancies. We know the importance of family. We know the joys of motherhood and how important it is to provide bodies for our Heavenly Father's spirit children. Other members of the church seem to equate faithfulness to the number of kids you have. Thankfully, the church teaches hope, the importance of not judging and that, when it comes to the number of children your family has, it is up to you, your husband, and the Lord. However, even with this comforting doctrine I have sat through R.S. lessons where women with lots of kids were equated as having an extraordinary amount of faith. While this is true, it does take faith to have a large family these days, it does not mean that those with one child or no children do not have faith. We cannot simply judge faith by the number of seats filled in our vehicle each Sunday! I have felt singled out as I attend church events or meet people for the first time and get the inevitable question of "Is she your only one?" followed by a quick follow up "How old IS she?" Many people are well intentioned and I am sure are not asking such a question for the reason I think they are asking. Nevertheless, my current situation makes overreacting an easy thing to do.
I know I am not alone and there are many out there facing similar situations. I know what I described above is personal and does not describe everyone's situation. Quite frankly, it does not matter if you have one, 3, or 10 kids. If you want and cannot have more, it's a loss acutely felt!
So welcome to the site. I hope that we can gain support and strength from each other as we share our experiences. Feel free to post a bit about yourself and if you have started any treatment or what your current plan of action is. Check back for weekly questions and feel free to post as often as you need!
Comments
I do have faith that the Lord has a plan for each of us, and that His timing is the best. Every month I go through my mini emotional breakdown, and then later I usually have a prompting of why "this" month may not have been the best timing, and the new perspective helps. I'm trying to leave this issue to the Lord, but in the meantime I will draw comfort from knowing I can vent to other wonderful women who understand how I'm feeling!
I had the same feelings as you and others mentioned. Why could I so easily concieve the first and try for so long to get pregnant with a second? Why does everyone have to comment that I only have one child who is over three and not another? or those Non-LDS commentors of well at least you have one, you should just be happy with that.
The addiction to pregnancy tests, waiting for your turn while it seems like every other women is concieving!
I don't know if it's fair that I share in this site now that I've finally concieved myself, but I have felt a lot of the same feelings that others have.
There was a talk by Elder Utchdorf or maybe it was someone else, but it was titled, "And God Remembered Rachel" if you haven't read it, do it. It helped tremendously - at least with me.