Introducing me....Finally!

I have been reading this blog for quite sometime but hiding and I have never introduced myself. I always just thought I will be pregnant next month and then will be done with this infertility thing but 21 months later and still working on it so it is about time to introduce myself......Hi, I'm Kathy Twitchell, I live in Cedar City Utah. My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years. We thought when we first got married that we would wait a year so I would be done with school and then have a baby. Four months later we found out that we were 3 months pregnant! I was taking the pill everyday and never missed but at the same time I really wanted to have a baby. I had served a mission and gotten married a little later and was ready to start a family so while taking the pill I was praying at the same time that somehow I would get pregnant. My husband is a couple years younger than I am and was not as anxious as I was but once he got here he was in love. Our pill baby....our miracle in the form of Keagan.....


It seemed like he grew so fast and by the time he was 10 months I was so baby hungry again so we started trying again. I had complications after Keagans birth and had a Hematoma and my c-section was left open for 3 months but the doctors said everything is fine and that my ability to have babies would not be effected. We started trying again. I remember after 3 months of trying I cried the third month. I am an emotional, esp. when it comes to having a baby. If I only knew then that I would still be crying a year and a half . Then came.5* 6* 7* 8* 9* months pass and I REALLY start to worry and get more and more emotional. I just never thought it would be hard to get pregnant. After trying for ten months we decided that we need to go to the doctor to find out what is wrong with me. Blood tests, dye tests, my husband got tested......nothing. I ovulate every month and have my period on the first or 2nd of every month like clock work. I almost wish they found something wrong with me so they could fix it. In December I got pregnant for 7 weeks and then miscarried. It was devistating for us but at the same time I was happy that I knew I am still able to get pregnant. it has been 5 months since I miscarried. Each month I get so much hope that it feels like I miscarry each month. I sometimes wish I could go through this "past feeling" but I know that is not good but it just seems like it would be easier to do that. We are starting chlomid this month so we'll see how that goes.I am worried about weight gain....did that happen to any of you while on chlomid? I am 5'8" and 175 pounds bleh.... I really cannot afford to gain and REALLY need to lose but if I do gain it would be worth it if we got pregnant. I feel bad for my husband. He is so loving and often gives me blessings but I don't think he knows what to say anymore and we have exhasted the subject over and over. I just feel bad that he gets to listen to all my raging emotions of infertility:) I really try to be postive in my mind and I really do have so many blessings in my life but it feels like this desire to have a baby is so comsuming of my thoughts and moods. I'm at the stage where everyone asks me if I am pregnant or when are you going to have another one. Or sees Keagan and says wow he is getting soooooo big. Its probably in my head but it seems like that everyone is wondering why I don't have another one yet. All my freinds who have one Keagans age have a 1 year old or younger already. I need to stop comparing and just learn to be happy in this trial!!! Thanks for all of your post, love them. It really helps me feel like someone understands. Having issues with fertility when you already have a child is a weird place to be. I have friends who deal with the same infertility issues but don't have any kids yet. They just don't understand that it still is very difficult even if you already have a child. Its like chocolate. You have can't just have one bite...it makes yopu want more! I'll try to post more on here. Thanks for your thoughts....
Kathy

My family blog is HERE. If you want to see....
I do custom designs too..HERE.