Deep questions
Since this is a blog for women of the same faith, I thought I'd take the opportunity to ask a question that is on my mind often. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, but it's one that I am curious how others feel about it. I have my consultation with an accupuncturist tomorrow, and it's the first step I've taken in seeking some official help of any kind. It's fairly non-invasive compared to many tests/procedures. But it's definitely not cheap, and it's the start of what could be a long road of additional tests and procedures. Sometimes I can't help but wonder, "Is this the plan?" Is all of this just a trial, or a hurdle to overcome, that Heavenly Father has given me in my quest to have more biologic children? Or am I avoiding what is actually supposed to be the plan. Maybe my first child was a gift, so that I could experience carrying a child, and giving birth, and having a daughter that is a little piece of me. But maybe, for the rest of my family, I am meant to adopt children who don't have a good home, and a place to learn the gospel. Like I said, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. And perhaps the answer is individual and different in all of our cases anyway. But I wondered if any of you feel like that sometimes. Like you're spending all this time, money, and energy to reverse something that is maybe just part of your plan. What do you think?
Comments
Best of luck to you.
I too, have a strong testimony that my son and I knew each other in the pre-existence, and furthermore, that he agreed to come to our family in an imperfect body. And we're learning from it.
In the meantime, keep moving through things to best of your knowledge and ability, but make sure you're listening for the Lord's loving counsel, too.
Once again please let me stress - This was a very personal boundry, not that I think in vitro is horrid. I wanted a child and needed a limit - this was ours. :D
Especially since we are still in school, cost has been a major factor. On Saturday we started to do some research on adoption. I'm not quite ready to move down that path (we haven't done any fertility treatments yet) but I want to get as much info as possible so when we do go that way (we had decided a long time ago we wanted to adopt regardless of how many biological children we have) we can go through the long process as quickly as possible.
I feel so lost in knowing what the Lord's plan is for me that I've given up on trying to figure that out. Instead I have devoted much fasting and prayer to developing faith. This way, regardless of His plan I will be able to accept it and know that He loves me. I figure we will try fertility treatments (like Hope, we will not do in vitro, simply because of the cost) and if we aren't blessed with a child of our own by this time next year, it's on to adoption. I do not want more than 4 years between MM and another child... well, I didn't want much more than 2, but that obviously didn't work out :)
The question that catches me as of late is, is it better for me to provide bodies for Heavenly Father's spirit children, or to give a gospel centered home to those children already on earth? I do not think everyone has the same answer, but I've sure been thinking about it a lot lately!
Sorry this is so long and disjointed! In need of sleep!!!! Thanks for posting your thoughts. Like always, wish I was there to have a girl's night out with you!