Deep questions

By -
Since this is a blog for women of the same faith, I thought I'd take the opportunity to ask a question that is on my mind often. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, but it's one that I am curious how others feel about it. I have my consultation with an accupuncturist tomorrow, and it's the first step I've taken in seeking some official help of any kind. It's fairly non-invasive compared to many tests/procedures. But it's definitely not cheap, and it's the start of what could be a long road of additional tests and procedures. Sometimes I can't help but wonder, "Is this the plan?" Is all of this just a trial, or a hurdle to overcome, that Heavenly Father has given me in my quest to have more biologic children? Or am I avoiding what is actually supposed to be the plan. Maybe my first child was a gift, so that I could experience carrying a child, and giving birth, and having a daughter that is a little piece of me. But maybe, for the rest of my family, I am meant to adopt children who don't have a good home, and a place to learn the gospel. Like I said, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. And perhaps the answer is individual and different in all of our cases anyway. But I wondered if any of you feel like that sometimes. Like you're spending all this time, money, and energy to reverse something that is maybe just part of your plan. What do you think?

Comments

Noelle said…
I have never been able to carry a child. Both of my children are adopted from Haiti. I can in all honesty say that I knew immediately that they were mine, especially after having them sealed to us in the Temple. There was that spiritual confirmation that this WAS the plan for me and for these wonderful spirits. Of course it was hard at times, going for 6 + years without children, not being able to carry a child, etc., but that's where the faith comes in and eventually the sweet understanding and comfort came from the Lord. All is well and there are reasons for all things. I am convinced that we knew our children before. Sometimes, they just have to come to us in different ways. We cannot make the plan for Heavenly Father, and at times, I think we are the ones trying to counsel the Lord, telling Him what we want to happen and what OUR plan is. We have to remember who is in charge. The "righteous desire" should not be to 'get pregnant' but to raise children in a home strong in the gospel and sealed to an eternal family, prepared to return to our Father in Heaven. Making that desire a reality occurs in different ways, but the Lord will guide us and often, as was our case, He will guide us to our children.
Best of luck to you.
January 18, 2009 8:04 PM
Katie said…
I'd have to agree with Noelle that we often try to counsel the Lord. My prayers as of late (and pretty much ever since my son was diagnosed with Type 1) have been much less focused on asking for specific blessings, and much more centered on praying for the sensitivity to the Spirit so when the right opportunity/thought/action comes across my path, I act on it appropriately.

I too, have a strong testimony that my son and I knew each other in the pre-existence, and furthermore, that he agreed to come to our family in an imperfect body. And we're learning from it.

In the meantime, keep moving through things to best of your knowledge and ability, but make sure you're listening for the Lord's loving counsel, too.
January 18, 2009 8:30 PM
Hope said…
Kurt and I were worried about the same thing. But then I thought about putting forth our best efforts and going as far as we could. For us we set a limit on treatment. Personally, that limit was we would not do in vitro. At that point we would adopt. We felt good about our limit. (NOT that I think in vitro is bad - just didn't feel right for us. So I felt better trying everything I could (and afford). We prayed about our decision and it just felt right. Leaving us with a good balance - putting forth great effort, but not forcing something that wasn't suppose to happen.

Once again please let me stress - This was a very personal boundry, not that I think in vitro is horrid. I wanted a child and needed a limit - this was ours. :D
January 18, 2009 10:27 PM
Jen L said…
It's funny that you wrote this post when you did. I came on Sunday night to post questions about adoption. I ran out of time to respond and to post, but you nailed my most recent thoughts on the head.

Especially since we are still in school, cost has been a major factor. On Saturday we started to do some research on adoption. I'm not quite ready to move down that path (we haven't done any fertility treatments yet) but I want to get as much info as possible so when we do go that way (we had decided a long time ago we wanted to adopt regardless of how many biological children we have) we can go through the long process as quickly as possible.

I feel so lost in knowing what the Lord's plan is for me that I've given up on trying to figure that out. Instead I have devoted much fasting and prayer to developing faith. This way, regardless of His plan I will be able to accept it and know that He loves me. I figure we will try fertility treatments (like Hope, we will not do in vitro, simply because of the cost) and if we aren't blessed with a child of our own by this time next year, it's on to adoption. I do not want more than 4 years between MM and another child... well, I didn't want much more than 2, but that obviously didn't work out :)

The question that catches me as of late is, is it better for me to provide bodies for Heavenly Father's spirit children, or to give a gospel centered home to those children already on earth? I do not think everyone has the same answer, but I've sure been thinking about it a lot lately!

Sorry this is so long and disjointed! In need of sleep!!!! Thanks for posting your thoughts. Like always, wish I was there to have a girl's night out with you!
January 19, 2009 11:21 PM
Abby said…
thank you for posting this! This has constantly been on my mind lately. I loved reading all your comments! Thank you thank you!
January 20, 2009 11:45 PM
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