The baby wave is here...so why am I feeling so rotten?

By -
I feel guilty writing this, but there is a huge wave of babies hitting our ward right now -- and while I love my sisters and am happy for them, I would be a horrible liar if I didn't admit I am really, truly struggling with it, too. I am jealous, I am sad, I am wondering if my son will ever become a big brother.

It's been nearly a year since my miscarriage. No luck getting pregnant since then. And I feel like I'm finally emotionally ready to really, really try again, and to care about it, and to possibly pursue some more medical evaluation (though my last barrage of tests in August didn't really tell us much -- I look pretty normal on paper and under ultrasound).

Waiting is just....hard. I wish I could see Heavenly Father's bigger picture right now.

Comments

Dirk and Trish said…
Don't feel guilty, I'm sure you're not the only one. I had to back out of a baby shower for a friend b/c I just couldn't handle being surrounded by baby-ness, even though I was happy for her. You can be happy for someone else, and still sad for yourself. It's hard to be in the midst of a baby boom! Good luck with whatever you choose to do next.
March 19, 2010 9:43 PM
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