Frustrating situation and a glimmer of hope
I feel bad writing about this, but for whatever reason, this is really bothering me! More than anything, I just need to get it out and get over it.
I have a friend who claims she had a miscarriage in Feb. At first I felt really bad for her, but as time has gone on, I realized that firstly, she didn't have a miscarriage but is just super uninformed about her own body and secondly it is driving me crazy how she is still milking it. Let me explain. She told me that she doesn't have regular periods (which I thought was odd since she has had 3 kids in 3 years). When she stopped nursing her youngest child in June, she bled and it was really heavy. She told me she had a miscarriage then because there was no way her normal bleeding is that heavy. Of course it could be, but if you have your first period in over a year after giving birth, chances are, it's going to be different than before. So what gets me is Feb. She told me she was pregnant. I asked her when she tested, and she said "I don't test, I just know." So she never took a pregnancy test, never called the doctor, the only reason she knew she was pregnant was because she was feeling sick (the rest of her family had the flu around the same time...). So on Valentine's day, she starts bleeding, and once again it's really heavy. Well the kicker is she is now due on Nov. 23... which means she got pregnant 2 weeks after her miscarriage. Is this possible? I have never heard such a thing!! I have done a lot of reading on the HcG hormone lately and everything I've read says it stays in the body 4-6 weeks after a miscarriage therefore delaying a woman's cycle. When I had my first miscarriage, it took me 15 weeks before I had another period. I also had a blighted ovum, and same thing... a long time before my cycle started. At the time, I encouraged her to go to the doctor to make sure her levels were dropping and her body rid itself of everything, but she never did. The hard thing was, I never told anyone I had a miscarriage the month before. And then a month and a half after she told me she had a miscarriage, she told me she was pregnant. It was so hard for me to endure!
Now, of course, when she had her miscarriage, I offered support. But she spread it all around. She made it very obvious to everyone at church and even tonight, 5 months later she STILL brought it up to our R.S. President and using it like a badge of honor.
I completely understand that miscarriages are hard, and everyone handles them differently! I've had 3, and many of you have had more. I also understand that even successful pregnancies following a miscarriage does not erase the pain of a miscarriage but she brags about it! Every time she talks about it now, I just want to roll my eyes and say "Educate yourself about your body and miscarriages!! Did it ever occur to you that you might just have heavy periods when you only have them once every 8 months?!" Of course, I'd never say that though.
Sorry for the vent. I'm not sure why this bothers me so much!
But I feel like spiritually my ability to cope has increased. I've never been able to fully, intentionally, hand over my trials to Heavenly Father. It's always been in a feeling of apathy, or giving up that I say "Here, you take this!" I feel like I'm now slowly climbing to the point where I can at least mumble "Not my will, but Thine be done."
I've often thought about the godly characteristic of empathy. We know that part of the reason why Christ suffered for us, is so he could know how to succor us (Alma 7:11-12). There are times when I honestly feel that if I am suffering through this trial to gain empathy, so I can be that one sister in the ward that can help another going through similar situations, then bring it on! I will never be able to fully understand what it is like to not have children... I have a precious daughter! But I can at least provide a glimmer of empathy, not just sympathy, to those I meet along the way. Incomplete, but something I've been thinking about lately.
Comments
My first period after having a baby is always very heavy and very crampy. I've never assumed it was a miscarriage. It was just a period that was long overdue and therefore I had a very thick lining to expel (sorry, that's gross.)
It bothers you because you have had real losses and this woman is belittling your experiences. I'd feel the same way. Hang in there!!!
I don't think it's silly that it bothers you, for the same reason that Queen Mother said.
And I knew about your first miscarriage, but had no idea you've had three. Were the others recently?