The Right Words

By Dirk and Trish -
I know there are so many wrong things people say, but is there anything that you can say to a friend to offer comfort and support? I feel sad for them, I want to offer help in any way possible, and I want to be available if they need to talk. I have struggled to get pg, but never lost a baby, so I don't know just how they feel. Whatever I can think of sounds hollow. Not saying anything seems like ignoring their pain, but I wonder if that's better than saying something stupid. I just wondered if anyone had heard or said anything they felt conveyed their feelings without prying or dismissing. Thanks so much!

Comments

Stephanie said…
I went to some bereavement training for my job as a NICU nurse, and now I make the follow-up phone calls to parents who lose a baby in our unit. The biggest tips I have learned in my training is to acknowledge what they're going through, without making it sound like you know exactly what they're going through. I think honesty is great in this situation. You can say something like, "I can't imagine what you're going through. I just want you to know that you're on my mind constantly, and I'll be here for you whenever you're ready to talk, today or in three months."

Another important thing is to remember. Sometimes people are great about being there during the first few days of grief, but then they "forget" or think they should be over it months down the road. In my experience, people who have lost a baby LOVE to talk about their baby, even years down the road. Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking it will be more painful for them to talk about it, but it's actually really important to them that we acknowledge their baby, and that he/she existed.

I'm no expert, but I hope that helps a little.
April 29, 2009 10:24 PM
Rj and Emily said…
Im reading a book right now and it mentions about how people who are TTC or whatever there case may be DONT wish to be asked about pregnacy every 10 seconds. I actually have to agree, most women who are dealing with infertility want to go out and have normal conversations and not have to be worried about being asked about there situation and bringing those feelings up.

Main Point: Make youself available (LOVE Stephanies advice about relating by not relating) but dont expect an update everyday/week/month, dont apply update pressure, and let other topics dominate the conversation.
May 02, 2009 2:26 AM
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