A few thoughts/questions

By -
At one point I did have a while list of questions and topics but those have slowly faded away and now I only remember 1 of them, which seems to be eating at my guilt lately.

Do you ever feel biased about friends getting pregnant or is it all just me?

Ill happily give an example, Hope i hope you dont mind. I feel that if someone has been ttc and they get pregnant I have a great attitude towards them and their pregnancy. Hope, my wonderful SIL example, tried SO HARD(and Im sure thats an understatement) to get pregnant and when she finally did I had no harsh feelings towards her. I even found myself overjoyed for her. On the other hand a friend who was not ttc at all, and actually trying to avoid pregnancy, gets pregant and I feel as if I cannot be happy for them. I also feel resentful and I most definately kick in the Fight mode of my Flight or Fight instinct. Does anyone else ever feel that way about their friends/family?

Comments

Katie said…
I think my feelings run more along the lines of "I'm happy that Sister X is pregnant, but boy, do I wish that could be me, too!"

After my miscarriage a few weeks ago, a good friend sent me a couple of books to help me through the grief process: "Surviving Miscarriage" by Stacey McLaughlin, and "A Silent Love" by Adrienne Ryan. Both are excellent books, but something in one of them might be particularly useful to you.

"Surviving Miscarriage" talks about how Kubler-Ross's 5 Stages of Healing apply to pregnancy loss. I'd argue that they ALSO apply to anyone hurting from difficulty conceiving/carrying a pregnancy to term. The 5 stages are 1) Denial, 2) Anger, 3)Bargaining, 4) Depression, and 5) Acceptance.

Anger is a very common stage to get "stuck" in -- I was there for a long time after my son's diagnosis with Type 1, and my husband was there for even longer than I was -- and what I found most useful (and what the author suggests, actually) was writing about my anger, so I could sift through all of the feelings and get to the heart of what was really bothering me. It allowed me to a) find a healthy and non-toxic (so to speak) way to vent my anger without taking it out on someone else and, b)identify what was the underlying fear behind my anger (in my case, it was, "Is Richard's diabetes somehow MY fault? Did I do something wrong?")

I was able to take the distillations of my writing to the Lord in prayer, and though I struggled for a long time over it (and STILL do from time to time, over a year later), I was able to find peace much faster.

I'm so sorry that this has been so hard on you. Hang in there.
April 15, 2009 9:51 AM
Queen Mother said…
It's human nature. I hate the giggle "Oh, he just looks at me and I get pregnant."

Well pin a rose on your nose.
April 23, 2009 2:08 PM
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