Fertile Friends (vent)

By Dirk and Trish -
We are in a young ward and currently about 1/3 of the ward has either announced a pregnancy or has a baby under a year. Today a good friend who is out of state told me she's due in Nov. with #3. She's a year younger than me, got married a year after I did,and had her first a year before me. I really am excited for her, and happy that they are happy, but it's also tough. I am coping better this time around than when trying w/ my first (I had several younger friends "complain" about surprise pregnancies and we told NO ONE we were trying) because "at least I have one."
A lot of people at church assume I'm much younger (I'm 27 1/2) b/c our only child is 3. Many of the women around my age have 3, even 4 kids. My non-church friends & close to age cousins are closer to my stage of having children, so I told my DH last night I need to hang out with more people like that. I get asked sometimes 4x on Sunday if I'm expecting. Apparently our RS has an actual list of who's pregnant and I've been put on it 2x and people hear about it before anyone officially asks me. I know many people that have an easy time getting pg don't "really" understand, but how does it not occur to people that sometimes it's not our choice if our kids are far apart? It does not mean I don't like children or don't want them.
I am so thankful for my daughter. I am grateful we have been able to give her individual attention. I am very protective and have some anxiety issues, so when I consider my friends that have 3 kids under 5, I wonder if I could handle being on that side. Some days I am able to really understand that Heavenly Father knows what I can handle and part of that may be only having one kid for now. DD loves playing with other kids and she is so good with our friends' babies. She has such a sweet spirit and she would be a great sister. I really hope that she will be soon.

Comments

Mamapierce said…
Hi Trish! Welcome welcome! I am sorry for the difficult time you are having. I know what you're going through! You are in good company here. (((HUGS)))
April 08, 2009 9:20 PM
Katie said…
Hi Trish. Like you, some people assume I am younger than I actually am (I am 30, married at age 22) because we have one son, aged 28 months. It took us more than 2 years to conceive Richard.

It's hard for me when other women comment on how long I've been married vs. how many children I have. I wish that people would just reserve judgment. We have been through so much in the past 2 years that it's really salt in the wound whenever someone brings it up.
April 09, 2009 11:52 AM
Stephanie said…
I know exactly how you feel! Sometimes I just want to wear a big sign (especially around women from Church) explaining that I do like children, and I do want more children, and yes...we have been trying for awhile now! It's crazy how it never even crosses some people's mind that you may be having a fertility issue. I happen to work with a whole slew of young, pregnant ladies. Just the other night someone casually, yet boldly commented, "So, when do you think you'll join the group of pregnancies?" I wanted to sting her the way her comment stung me, but instead I just replied "Hopefully soon, we've actually been trying for a while now..." Sheesh, ignorant people!
April 11, 2009 3:16 AM
jenny t said…
Hey, Trish! I actually don't have kids yet, but I'm also 27 and married at 23. I always thought that after you'd been married for a few years, people would stop asking awkward questions if you didn't have kids because they would assume there must be something they didn't know. However, maybe because of my age, all of a sudden I have TONS of random people starting to ask me if we're going to START trying soon. It partially frustrates me, partially amuses me that they think we would really wait a year and a half after a miscarriage to 'start trying' again. I'm so glad we have a place to come where other women know how painful some thoughtless comments can be. :)
April 12, 2009 8:14 PM
Queen Mother said…
I think we can all relate.

Everyone in my ward is pregnant. At least it seems that way. And no one else has had fertility problems. It's very hard to deal with.
April 23, 2009 2:09 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Next Step

By Dirk and Trish -
After my laparoscopy in June for endo, the dr. gave us 3 months to get pregnant. Well, 3 months is up, so today we met with the specialist to decide what to do next. We were given three choices (I know many of you have been there, just wanted to give some info for newbies). Option 1 is clomid and IUI (~$650/cycle), Option 2 gonadotropins (I think it was $3000-5000/cycle), Option 3 IVF (~$14,000/cycle). The dr. recommended, and we had previously discussed, option 1. The prices are just what I was told, so they probably are not standard. I just find it helpful to have some idea what I'm up against, so thought I'd include it in case it gives someone else a baseline to work from.We missed out on timing for this cycle, so we actually have 1 more try at the old fashioned method, then we start clomid next month. Apparently the chances of a procedure working are best in the first 3 months, so we're really hoping this next step is it.
Read more

My next approach

By -
I thought I'd share a couple of things I'm going to try next. I wish I was posting this because I had been successful with one of them, but some of them state they take up to 3 mos. so I don't want to wait until then to tell you about it, in case one of you wants to try one of these things sooner, with me! These are some things I've been researching, and gathering info about, because they are less drastic than some of the medical approaches. Other things I like about them is that they are geared towards becoming healthier-so even if you don't get pregnant, you're not out anything, and you may have gained some other benefit, like eating better. Last but not least, though there is some expense involved, I think it will still be cheaper than some of the diagnostic testing and procedures. Here are some of the things I am thinking about trying... A fertility diet: I learned about this from a co-worker. She used fertility for her first child, and it didn't work th...
Read more