Month of confusion
Firstly I apologize for the disjointed, stream of consciousness writing!
This month has been extremely rough on me! Like I mentioned in a comment on Stephanie's post, I've taken 3 pregnancy tests, all very negative (not even a faint line). Then yesterday I dragged myself into the dr.'s office and asked for another one so I didn't have to keep spending money, and they did a stupid urine test (I wanted a blood test) which of course, turned out negative.
I am just so confused with what is going on right now! I am a religious charter and follow the FAM method. I've charted for 5 months now and feel like I'm getting a good base to compare against. In all 5 months of charting I have only had one day with temperatures above 98 degrees... and that was when I was sick. The first cycle I charted was 44 days long and every day post "ovulation" was 97.7... with no change. My other charts (which where normal 32 day cycles and I had tests done to prove ovulation occured) never climbed above 97.9. This chart I had 11 days of 97.7-97.9 followed by 10 days of 98.1-98.45. This makes it a very clear triphasic pattern. I even had spotting around the time a fertilized egg would implant. I'm waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (something that NEVER happens with me... except when I was pregnant). I feel nauseous at nights and I just am SO frustrated! I keep praying that Heavenly Father would just let my period come so I can get this cycle over with and move on to the next. And I wish I had a doctor willing to listen and do a blood test!!! Even if this is a miscarriage, I would be SO grateful to actually have gotten pregnant! I never thought I would view a miscarriage in this light. The previous ones I had were devastating, but now, I would rather have that, then what's going on now! I do have some pain in my right side, which is worsened by sneezing or other sudden movements which makes me wonder about the possibility of an ectopic, but I've had similar pain before, and it's more the combination of pain and symptoms that makes me wonder.
I feel like I am on this horrible roller coaster. I am so tired right now, and every day I have another temperature in the 98 degree range, it's hard not to be hopeful.
I'm not a big fan of this waiting game and I just wish I could get another doctor. If we could afford a specialist I'd be making an appointment. But my dr. throws words around before getting additional tests. I had an ultrasound last April to check for cysts, and after the results came back, he threw around words like "hydrosalpinx" and just said "let's wait and see." Then I had blood work done. Everything came back normal except my LH and FSH hormones. The ratio was inverted which is an indication of PCOS. I've done a lot of reading and usually for PCOS the ratio is a 2:1 or more. My numbers are inverted and were something like LH- 4.3 and FSH- 2.8. There very well is a possibility of PCOS, but if you had a patient with foggy numbers, instead of saying "Well, this looks like PCOS but I can't be sure" wouldn't it be a little more empathetic to say "let's have another draw in a few months to check your hormones again" or something. I just hate it when he tosses out a diagnosis and won't do anything about it. I've gone from having hydrosalpinx to being just fine to having PCOS. I wish someone would just be definitive. Unfortunately I do not have much choice when it comes to doctors due to my insurance.
We have begun some additional testing. Yesterday my wonderful husband had a semen analysis. My doctor wants me to have an HSG as soon as my next period comes (I'm a little wary... especially since he wants to have one because he can't get it out of his head that I have hydrosalpinx... which additional ultrasounds have proven I don't... plus I've never had pelvic inflammatory disease or whatever it's called that is the main cause). I know this whole ordeal will cost a lot of money for us, and we are willing to do it... well as much as we are able of course (in the words of my husband "How can you put a price on a family?")... but the HSG would be out of pocket and if he justs wants to do it to prove that I don't have what he still thinks I have, then I don't want to throw out money that could be used for some other test/treatment.
The emotions of it all are finally starting to catch up with me. I have done well with keeping the mental and emotional anguish separate from my daily activities, but now the two have met together in a crash. I am trying so hard to hold on to my faith. I know Heavenly Father has a plan, but it's so difficult for me to think Margaret may not have siblings, or may not have siblings that are close to her in age.
I did find an interesting website that I would like to explore more. http://www.inciid.org/index.php
This month has been extremely rough on me! Like I mentioned in a comment on Stephanie's post, I've taken 3 pregnancy tests, all very negative (not even a faint line). Then yesterday I dragged myself into the dr.'s office and asked for another one so I didn't have to keep spending money, and they did a stupid urine test (I wanted a blood test) which of course, turned out negative.
I am just so confused with what is going on right now! I am a religious charter and follow the FAM method. I've charted for 5 months now and feel like I'm getting a good base to compare against. In all 5 months of charting I have only had one day with temperatures above 98 degrees... and that was when I was sick. The first cycle I charted was 44 days long and every day post "ovulation" was 97.7... with no change. My other charts (which where normal 32 day cycles and I had tests done to prove ovulation occured) never climbed above 97.9. This chart I had 11 days of 97.7-97.9 followed by 10 days of 98.1-98.45. This makes it a very clear triphasic pattern. I even had spotting around the time a fertilized egg would implant. I'm waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (something that NEVER happens with me... except when I was pregnant). I feel nauseous at nights and I just am SO frustrated! I keep praying that Heavenly Father would just let my period come so I can get this cycle over with and move on to the next. And I wish I had a doctor willing to listen and do a blood test!!! Even if this is a miscarriage, I would be SO grateful to actually have gotten pregnant! I never thought I would view a miscarriage in this light. The previous ones I had were devastating, but now, I would rather have that, then what's going on now! I do have some pain in my right side, which is worsened by sneezing or other sudden movements which makes me wonder about the possibility of an ectopic, but I've had similar pain before, and it's more the combination of pain and symptoms that makes me wonder.
I feel like I am on this horrible roller coaster. I am so tired right now, and every day I have another temperature in the 98 degree range, it's hard not to be hopeful.
I'm not a big fan of this waiting game and I just wish I could get another doctor. If we could afford a specialist I'd be making an appointment. But my dr. throws words around before getting additional tests. I had an ultrasound last April to check for cysts, and after the results came back, he threw around words like "hydrosalpinx" and just said "let's wait and see." Then I had blood work done. Everything came back normal except my LH and FSH hormones. The ratio was inverted which is an indication of PCOS. I've done a lot of reading and usually for PCOS the ratio is a 2:1 or more. My numbers are inverted and were something like LH- 4.3 and FSH- 2.8. There very well is a possibility of PCOS, but if you had a patient with foggy numbers, instead of saying "Well, this looks like PCOS but I can't be sure" wouldn't it be a little more empathetic to say "let's have another draw in a few months to check your hormones again" or something. I just hate it when he tosses out a diagnosis and won't do anything about it. I've gone from having hydrosalpinx to being just fine to having PCOS. I wish someone would just be definitive. Unfortunately I do not have much choice when it comes to doctors due to my insurance.
We have begun some additional testing. Yesterday my wonderful husband had a semen analysis. My doctor wants me to have an HSG as soon as my next period comes (I'm a little wary... especially since he wants to have one because he can't get it out of his head that I have hydrosalpinx... which additional ultrasounds have proven I don't... plus I've never had pelvic inflammatory disease or whatever it's called that is the main cause). I know this whole ordeal will cost a lot of money for us, and we are willing to do it... well as much as we are able of course (in the words of my husband "How can you put a price on a family?")... but the HSG would be out of pocket and if he justs wants to do it to prove that I don't have what he still thinks I have, then I don't want to throw out money that could be used for some other test/treatment.
The emotions of it all are finally starting to catch up with me. I have done well with keeping the mental and emotional anguish separate from my daily activities, but now the two have met together in a crash. I am trying so hard to hold on to my faith. I know Heavenly Father has a plan, but it's so difficult for me to think Margaret may not have siblings, or may not have siblings that are close to her in age.
I did find an interesting website that I would like to explore more. http://www.inciid.org/index.php
Comments
I just took a second (also negative) pg test again today too, because I have so many symptoms indicative of pregnancy. It seems so cruel that our bodies SCREAM pregnancy when the tests refuse to show a second line. If I'm not pregnant, I just wish I didn't have to feel pregnant. It's only a harder fall.
I'm sorry too that you have to deal with a dr you don't care for, and financial concerns. That only makes it more stressful. If you don't mind me asking, was the semen analysis awful for Michael? They encouraged us to wait a couple more months, when it's officially been 1 year, but I would rather just do it now so I have some answers. Like you, I am charting and stuff, so I know I'm ovulating and timing things right. It just seems silly to wait, when there is obviously something wrong. I know my husband is not particularly excited about that test though...
We aren't quite at the year mark either, but since I've been charting, the dr. gave the go ahead for a few tests. I think testing the husband is a great first step, since it's non-invasive and usually one of the cheapest. I'd say, if you can, get the analysis done now. If it is him, it would be great to know asap!