My story of hope and miracles
So I too debated for a long time if I should post my story. I felt that seeing how I'm currently pregnant I shouldn't, but I guess contribute to the blog so you might as well know my back round.
My husband and I started trying for our second shortly after our daughter turned one. I wanted my kids to be two years apart. Well apparently Heavenly Father had alternate plans.
Let me take you back a little farther. I was married in July of '04. My husband was finishing his under-grad at MSU and we were not ready for kids. I was in school and planning to transfer to a university. A couple short months later we found out we were pregnant - Lillian was conceived on BC. We weren't going to start trying until Kurt was in his last year of law school so I could work and support him through it. We were shocked and unprepared. It left me with a feeling of - I guess I have no problems getting pregnant.
So we start trying for #2. Months went by, friends got pregnant, yet I didn't. It was so frustrating especially knowing how Lillian was conceived. Seeing how we're a student family, we were uninsured, so it wasn't feasible for me to go to a doctor. Indiana just within the year past the most amazing public government health care program. Giving Kurt and I an affordable opportunity to have complete health insurance. So after nearly two years of TTC I was finally able to see a doctor. I was quickly diagnosed with PCOS . The doctor suggest either clomid or metformin and I was to go home and research the two. I only ovulate once every three months and I had just had a period end two days before I saw the doctor. Doc also suggested giving me a progesterone to speed up the process so I didn't have to wait another three months before treatment once again for me to research. He sent me home to research and discuss it with my husband then he wanted both of us to return in a week.
On the return appointment Kurt came with me and the doc reviewed my case, and told me that if I didn't conceive within three rounds of clomid it wasn't going to happen with out a specialist. We decided that we would only go so far for treatment, and we would abandoned hope and adopt. The doc also felt uncertain about the progesterone and asked me not to take it. I was disappointed but it felt like the right decision. We went home and filled the prescription for clomid. (Clomid was my drug of choice, but metformin is a great drug to research!! I almost choose it except for my impatience. I think if I have to go through this again I'll choose metformin)
Two weeks later and much to my surprise and joy, I had what I thought was a period. (It's not uncommon for my periods to last 1-3 days). I waited five days till treatment day. I felt very inspired to take a test first to see if it was safe to start treatments. Much to my surprise it came back positive. (Can I add we're in our last year of law school, which is kind of ironic to me. See above).
Being diagnosed infertile was a huge struggle for us. I tried everything I could think of to get pregnant. Family members would either say: "Are you sure you're doing it right?" Uhh thanks guys... or "well at least you have one, you're still in school you should just wait anyway." Once again...thanks guys, real helpful.
Church members made comments like " your not pregnant yet." mother of five with a six month old said, "I'm going for my sixth soon, let's race." (I had been trying for over a year) The one I hated the most, "Don't you know the prophets have said to multiply and replenish. You're not suppose to be selfish in waiting for children."
It was hard hearing that people didn't want to tell me they were pregnant because they were afraid to offend me, or that I would cry. I would find myself in the infant section and just hold and scan through infant clothing and blankets wishing I had a reason to.
I know I already mentioned this before, but the only way I survived was through service. Forgetting about myself and worrying about others. It was the only "medicine for my sorrow" that worked.
So currently I am having issues with the fact that #2 and Lillian will be four years apart. I feel like I am missing one in between. When Lillian was conceived we did not want her to ever feel as if she was an accident. I guess I just don't want her thinking there was her, and then the rest of the family. Probably more irrational than anything, but still a worry.
My husband and I started trying for our second shortly after our daughter turned one. I wanted my kids to be two years apart. Well apparently Heavenly Father had alternate plans.
Let me take you back a little farther. I was married in July of '04. My husband was finishing his under-grad at MSU and we were not ready for kids. I was in school and planning to transfer to a university. A couple short months later we found out we were pregnant - Lillian was conceived on BC. We weren't going to start trying until Kurt was in his last year of law school so I could work and support him through it. We were shocked and unprepared. It left me with a feeling of - I guess I have no problems getting pregnant.
So we start trying for #2. Months went by, friends got pregnant, yet I didn't. It was so frustrating especially knowing how Lillian was conceived. Seeing how we're a student family, we were uninsured, so it wasn't feasible for me to go to a doctor. Indiana just within the year past the most amazing public government health care program. Giving Kurt and I an affordable opportunity to have complete health insurance. So after nearly two years of TTC I was finally able to see a doctor. I was quickly diagnosed with PCOS . The doctor suggest either clomid or metformin and I was to go home and research the two. I only ovulate once every three months and I had just had a period end two days before I saw the doctor. Doc also suggested giving me a progesterone to speed up the process so I didn't have to wait another three months before treatment once again for me to research. He sent me home to research and discuss it with my husband then he wanted both of us to return in a week.
On the return appointment Kurt came with me and the doc reviewed my case, and told me that if I didn't conceive within three rounds of clomid it wasn't going to happen with out a specialist. We decided that we would only go so far for treatment, and we would abandoned hope and adopt. The doc also felt uncertain about the progesterone and asked me not to take it. I was disappointed but it felt like the right decision. We went home and filled the prescription for clomid. (Clomid was my drug of choice, but metformin is a great drug to research!! I almost choose it except for my impatience. I think if I have to go through this again I'll choose metformin)
Two weeks later and much to my surprise and joy, I had what I thought was a period. (It's not uncommon for my periods to last 1-3 days). I waited five days till treatment day. I felt very inspired to take a test first to see if it was safe to start treatments. Much to my surprise it came back positive. (Can I add we're in our last year of law school, which is kind of ironic to me. See above).
Being diagnosed infertile was a huge struggle for us. I tried everything I could think of to get pregnant. Family members would either say: "Are you sure you're doing it right?" Uhh thanks guys... or "well at least you have one, you're still in school you should just wait anyway." Once again...thanks guys, real helpful.
Church members made comments like " your not pregnant yet." mother of five with a six month old said, "I'm going for my sixth soon, let's race." (I had been trying for over a year) The one I hated the most, "Don't you know the prophets have said to multiply and replenish. You're not suppose to be selfish in waiting for children."
It was hard hearing that people didn't want to tell me they were pregnant because they were afraid to offend me, or that I would cry. I would find myself in the infant section and just hold and scan through infant clothing and blankets wishing I had a reason to.
I know I already mentioned this before, but the only way I survived was through service. Forgetting about myself and worrying about others. It was the only "medicine for my sorrow" that worked.
So currently I am having issues with the fact that #2 and Lillian will be four years apart. I feel like I am missing one in between. When Lillian was conceived we did not want her to ever feel as if she was an accident. I guess I just don't want her thinking there was her, and then the rest of the family. Probably more irrational than anything, but still a worry.
Comments
Thanks for your post. You said it seems like there should be one in between your two kids. That's kind of how it is for us. We had Anna and we've been TTC for almost 6 years now. Tyler gave me a blessing and it said that our prayers had been heard and that they were being answered. We thought that meant we were going to become pregnant...but we didn't. We just returned from Ukraine with 2 children - born around the time that Tyler gave me that blessing. It's amazing how God chooses to bless us in miraculous ways!