I actually debated quite a while about whether or not to even do a post to introduce myself. I do have one child, and haven't tried for years like some people, so sometimes it makes me feel selfish and ungrateful to complain about infertility. However, I decided that's what this blog is for, so that we can vent to other people who do understand, and who don't think it's selfish to want more kids, even if you have one already.
We tried for about 6 mos. before we had our beautiful daughter, who is now two years old. Once we were finally pregnant, I was able to be grateful that it took us awhile, because I felt like it gave me more empathy for women who have difficulty conceiving. Also, I felt I would never take pregnancy for granted, or assume it would come easily. I also (falsely) assumed that I wouldn't stress out too much the next time. I would just know that it would happen eventually, and that it might take awhile. Wrong. I did okay the first few months, but when the six month mark came and went, it began to get hard again. Each month I experience an emotional cycle where I cry and have a breakdown when the period comes, and then I dry my tears and focus on the fact that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, and though it's difficult to understand why-there must be a reason why I am experiencing this. There has even been things that have happened in our life recently that have made me wonder if this is why we weren't supposed to get pregnant right now. So the perspective helps for a few weeks, until it happens all over again, and the tears start flowing again!
Deep down, I suspect there is a lesson I am supposed to learn from all of this. I know that as a daughter of God, I need to be grateful for the many blessings I have been given, including the beautiful daughter I've already been blessed with. I have felt the promptings lately that I need to make sure my happiness and my relationship with Him aren't based on whether or not He is giving me what I want. Also, I tend to be a planner and a control freak. So I'm probably supposed to learn that I can't control everything, and sometimes I just need to trust in the Lord. And overall, I think I have done pretty well at keeping perspective and trying to learn from all of this.
There are definitely difficult times though. Like when one of your close friends tells you they are going to start trying again...and two weeks later she's pregnant. Though I know better deep down, I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me, and my body. I mean, surely my husband and I know how to be intimate!!! There's the comments that sting too, from people who don't realize they're being hurtful. Just last week, my own mother (whom I love dearly and am very close to) told me I needed to be grateful for the child I already had, and just be glad I felt good right now (I too, was very sick my whole pregnancy.) And then there's always the ache I feel deep within, when I see a precious newborn baby or a large pregnant belly.
Anyway, while I am trying to focus on being happy, and not vent TOO much, I am grateful to have a place to do that when I need to. And I am grateful to know there are other people experiencing the same thing. I am blessed with some wonderful close friends. They have been a great support to me, but most of them got pregnant the first month they tried, so although they're sympathetic-they really don't know what I'm going through. I hope we can all be a support to each other, and rejoice with one another when one of us is finally blessed with a pregnancy!
We tried for about 6 mos. before we had our beautiful daughter, who is now two years old. Once we were finally pregnant, I was able to be grateful that it took us awhile, because I felt like it gave me more empathy for women who have difficulty conceiving. Also, I felt I would never take pregnancy for granted, or assume it would come easily. I also (falsely) assumed that I wouldn't stress out too much the next time. I would just know that it would happen eventually, and that it might take awhile. Wrong. I did okay the first few months, but when the six month mark came and went, it began to get hard again. Each month I experience an emotional cycle where I cry and have a breakdown when the period comes, and then I dry my tears and focus on the fact that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, and though it's difficult to understand why-there must be a reason why I am experiencing this. There has even been things that have happened in our life recently that have made me wonder if this is why we weren't supposed to get pregnant right now. So the perspective helps for a few weeks, until it happens all over again, and the tears start flowing again!
Deep down, I suspect there is a lesson I am supposed to learn from all of this. I know that as a daughter of God, I need to be grateful for the many blessings I have been given, including the beautiful daughter I've already been blessed with. I have felt the promptings lately that I need to make sure my happiness and my relationship with Him aren't based on whether or not He is giving me what I want. Also, I tend to be a planner and a control freak. So I'm probably supposed to learn that I can't control everything, and sometimes I just need to trust in the Lord. And overall, I think I have done pretty well at keeping perspective and trying to learn from all of this.
There are definitely difficult times though. Like when one of your close friends tells you they are going to start trying again...and two weeks later she's pregnant. Though I know better deep down, I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me, and my body. I mean, surely my husband and I know how to be intimate!!! There's the comments that sting too, from people who don't realize they're being hurtful. Just last week, my own mother (whom I love dearly and am very close to) told me I needed to be grateful for the child I already had, and just be glad I felt good right now (I too, was very sick my whole pregnancy.) And then there's always the ache I feel deep within, when I see a precious newborn baby or a large pregnant belly.
Anyway, while I am trying to focus on being happy, and not vent TOO much, I am grateful to have a place to do that when I need to. And I am grateful to know there are other people experiencing the same thing. I am blessed with some wonderful close friends. They have been a great support to me, but most of them got pregnant the first month they tried, so although they're sympathetic-they really don't know what I'm going through. I hope we can all be a support to each other, and rejoice with one another when one of us is finally blessed with a pregnancy!
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And i also know how you feel about seeing friends who get pregnant w/o even really trying. My best friend also decided to try to get pregnant and 1 month later she was pregnant. I've been trying for a year now and still nothing. It's hard not to get envious or jeolous because they have something that you want and have been trying to have it for a while and still nothing.