Faith, Hope, and Sorrow

I didn't think I would be posting on this blog... or, really, I was hoping I wouldn't be posting my own personal, current, struggles here again. It has been over 3 years since we first set on our journey of "sub-fertility." Since then, we had Daniel born March 2010. I have heard countless stories of people who had problems getting pregnant that when they were ready for the next, they started trying early, anticipating the time, and mental/emotional energy. Then, the next kid came within a few months of trying which made their two kids really close in age. I thought for sure that would happen to us. We had one miscarriage before our first daughter. 4 months later we were pregnant. When she was 17 months we started trying for number 2. I was diagnosed as having blocked tubes the first month into ttc. It was a devastating, role robbing, purpose crashing diagnosis. I lived with that diagnosis for 9 months, until finally, I could go in for some additional testing (that p...

Hello everyone! I have decided to break the silence! I have been doing a lot of thinking about this blog and it's potential to reach and help many women who are in the situation many of us have faced and are facing- that of already having a child or children and then facing problems getting pregnant again. It can be a lonely and misunderstood path to trod! A few months back Mormon Times did an article on infertility and one woman's blog. I thought that would be a great opportunity to spread news of this blog. So here's the plan- 1- I'm going to be doing a lot of recruiting, searching, trying to find those woman who are silently suffering. Build up our reader and poster base 2- I am going to make this blog PUBLIC. It is going public tonight, so if you have any posts that you do not want to be public, please go through and delete them or let me know in a comment. 3- I am going to contact Mormon Times with information and suggest the possibility of doing an article ...

I haven't posted on here since I introduced myself. It has now been two year of trying and I want to give up, I am sick of holding out hope for a baby and putting money into something I don't know if it will ever come. I am so discouraged and it has only been two years I don't know how many of you have done it for so long. How do you keep going, how do you keep trying? I pray every night for my PCOS to go away, for my body to lose weight for some sort of miracle so this pain will end. I am sad and grumpy, I feel like a horrible wife and mother and I cry all the time. I think it hurts more everytime I hear someone else is pregnant. I don't know how to deal with it and that drives me crazy. I am sorry to complain, but I know this is the one place I will find understanding. I am open for suggestions, if anybody has any.

I feel guilty writing this, but there is a huge wave of babies hitting our ward right now -- and while I love my sisters and am happy for them, I would be a horrible liar if I didn't admit I am really, truly struggling with it, too. I am jealous, I am sad, I am wondering if my son will ever become a big brother. It's been nearly a year since my miscarriage. No luck getting pregnant since then. And I feel like I'm finally emotionally ready to really, really try again, and to care about it, and to possibly pursue some more medical evaluation (though my last barrage of tests in August didn't really tell us much -- I look pretty normal on paper and under ultrasound). Waiting is just....hard. I wish I could see Heavenly Father's bigger picture right now.

Keagan i s my little miracle . Literally. How did I get him? It wa s so ea sy. I got married, went on the pill, and got prego a couple month s later. ea sy. simple. wonderful. I thought I would pop them out like crazy! Ye s but I never knew what a miracle he really wa s til thi s pa st Monday. I had an appointment with the doctor to check if my cyst was still there and my blood clot. He looked and they were both gone so we are going to do clomid, shots, IUI, again this month! I was really excited! Then he got quiet and started marking things on the ultrasound and talking to the nurse in another "language". Then he said...I'm not sure how we missed this but you have pcos . I was so shocked because my original family doctor helped us with our fertility the first year. I had read about pcos and thought that I might have it because I have some of the symptoms and my sister has it. I asked my Dr. to see if this was my problem. He said because I  was regular that I didn'...

Hi my name is Amber. Annie introduced me to this blog, she has been a close friend for several years and is now having a baby in January, YA! I have a wonderful husband Josh and a beautiful 4 year old girl Kaydence. We are on our 15 month of trying for a baby and it has been a rough road. The first time around was too easy, we actually found out we were pregnant about 6 weeks before our wedding. I think it was the lords way of giving us that extra push into marriage. She had been our greatest blessing and we are so thankful for her in our life! Last July I finally finished my degree and we thought it would be a perfect time to start trying. I had my IUD removed and the fun began. It took me awhile to get my period, so we had some false hope. After trying for 7 months my period stopped. I called my doctor and found out that I had a cyst, instead of a baby :( So I decided to work on trying to lose some weight, because I quickly gained 40 lbs after having my IUD removed, not fun! I was ab...

I went back to the specialist (honestly, I don't remember her title) for a baseline ultrasound. She got a copy of the operation report from my other dr. and said I'm actually worse than we thought. I had told her the basics, which were true, but things were actually a little more messed up than that. Even though my tubes are open, they have scar tissue from endo adhesions. My ovaries weren't just out of place, they were basically glued down. Bad news today-the endo has already started coming back and it's on my ovary again. Good news-I don't have any new cysts and the fibroids my dr. saw are small and external, so they won't complicate things. The specialist said the endo is so aggressive that we can try to hold it off and do intervention to have more kids, but the chances of my keeping my insides intact forever is pretty slim. I'm not going to worry about that for now, and I already knew it was a possibility in the (hopefully distant) future b/c my m...