Faith, Hope, and Sorrow

I feel guilty writing this, but there is a huge wave of babies hitting our ward right now -- and while I love my sisters and am happy for them, I would be a horrible liar if I didn't admit I am really, truly struggling with it, too. I am jealous, I am sad, I am wondering if my son will ever become a big brother. It's been nearly a year since my miscarriage. No luck getting pregnant since then. And I feel like I'm finally emotionally ready to really, really try again, and to care about it, and to possibly pursue some more medical evaluation (though my last barrage of tests in August didn't really tell us much -- I look pretty normal on paper and under ultrasound). Waiting is just....hard. I wish I could see Heavenly Father's bigger picture right now.

Keagan i s my little miracle . Literally. How did I get him? It wa s so ea sy. I got married, went on the pill, and got prego a couple month s later. ea sy. simple. wonderful. I thought I would pop them out like crazy! Ye s but I never knew what a miracle he really wa s til thi s pa st Monday. I had an appointment with the doctor to check if my cyst was still there and my blood clot. He looked and they were both gone so we are going to do clomid, shots, IUI, again this month! I was really excited! Then he got quiet and started marking things on the ultrasound and talking to the nurse in another "language". Then he said...I'm not sure how we missed this but you have pcos . I was so shocked because my original family doctor helped us with our fertility the first year. I had read about pcos and thought that I might have it because I have some of the symptoms and my sister has it. I asked my Dr. to see if this was my problem. He said because I  was regular that I didn'...

Hi my name is Amber. Annie introduced me to this blog, she has been a close friend for several years and is now having a baby in January, YA! I have a wonderful husband Josh and a beautiful 4 year old girl Kaydence. We are on our 15 month of trying for a baby and it has been a rough road. The first time around was too easy, we actually found out we were pregnant about 6 weeks before our wedding. I think it was the lords way of giving us that extra push into marriage. She had been our greatest blessing and we are so thankful for her in our life! Last July I finally finished my degree and we thought it would be a perfect time to start trying. I had my IUD removed and the fun began. It took me awhile to get my period, so we had some false hope. After trying for 7 months my period stopped. I called my doctor and found out that I had a cyst, instead of a baby :( So I decided to work on trying to lose some weight, because I quickly gained 40 lbs after having my IUD removed, not fun! I was ab...

I went back to the specialist (honestly, I don't remember her title) for a baseline ultrasound. She got a copy of the operation report from my other dr. and said I'm actually worse than we thought. I had told her the basics, which were true, but things were actually a little more messed up than that. Even though my tubes are open, they have scar tissue from endo adhesions. My ovaries weren't just out of place, they were basically glued down. Bad news today-the endo has already started coming back and it's on my ovary again. Good news-I don't have any new cysts and the fibroids my dr. saw are small and external, so they won't complicate things. The specialist said the endo is so aggressive that we can try to hold it off and do intervention to have more kids, but the chances of my keeping my insides intact forever is pretty slim. I'm not going to worry about that for now, and I already knew it was a possibility in the (hopefully distant) future b/c my m...

After my laparoscopy in June for endo, the dr. gave us 3 months to get pregnant. Well, 3 months is up, so today we met with the specialist to decide what to do next. We were given three choices (I know many of you have been there, just wanted to give some info for newbies). Option 1 is clomid and IUI (~$650/cycle), Option 2 gonadotropins (I think it was $3000-5000/cycle), Option 3 IVF (~$14,000/cycle). The dr. recommended, and we had previously discussed, option 1. The prices are just what I was told, so they probably are not standard. I just find it helpful to have some idea what I'm up against, so thought I'd include it in case it gives someone else a baseline to work from.We missed out on timing for this cycle, so we actually have 1 more try at the old fashioned method, then we start clomid next month. Apparently the chances of a procedure working are best in the first 3 months, so we're really hoping this next step is it.

In July i knew something was up when i wasnt having any ovulation pain(normally will put me in bed for the day) and on the 20th i took a pregnancy test..3 actually, all positive. We were absolutely shocked! We went and did the regualr appointments and baby related things. On our unltrasound appointment on Sept 15th( 12wk appt) we learned that the baby had stopped growing and measured 7wks 4ds. We then had to induce a miscarriage since it had been 5wks and it hadnt happened on its own. We knew we didnt want the D&C. I feel defeated. We spent a ton of time trying to get pregnant, then it happened, and it failed. People have been telling me that being able to get pregnant is a good thing, even if you do miscarry, and i keep thinking that the doctors can help get you pregnant but what do they do to keep you pregnant? The first thing people asked when we told them was when we were going to try again and to me the trying was slightly more devestating than the miscarrying. We cant possib...

I have been to the doctors office 6 times this week, man this baby makin' stuff is much more complicated than I thought it was. I got pregnant with my son on the pill a few months after we got married then started trying a year later after he was born. Its been 2 years and still nothing...... I am really excited and have super high hopes that all this fertility stuff will work. I'm scared to have so much hope cause I know I get my hopes up so high that its a long way down afterward. We are on clomid for the first time and had an IUI both Friday and saturday night. Got that shot to make my eggs drop and through the ultrasound we know I have 3 eggs that are the right size and 2 smaller ones. The doctor is so optimistic about it saying this is the month but I know the Lord might have a different plan, we'll see. My husband said "I'm gonna be a little sad when we get pregnant cause then you are not going to want to have sex all the time anymore". haha I think th...